Well I haven’t been shy about letting you know alcohol has been a great coping mechanism, and escape for me the past 14 months. In fact it got to where it was way too easy of a crutch. Of course like a lot of people covid made drinking even more enjoyable, and more “necessary” to help escape. Something just to wind down from a difficult day of doing exactly the same thing I did the day before.
When Jason died I had been a stay at home mom for over four years. He was our provider and I was the home keeper, and by home keeper I mean I kept the kids alive and the house mildly presentable. After Jason died going back to work was super overwhelming. I decided I would wait a little while before going back to work. Well once I was finally ready to get my feet wet again in the work force covid-19 hit. So I am still a homemaker and stay at home mom doing the best I can to live off what little we receive in survivor benefits, and what’s left of some money raised from a go fund me.
I’ve gotten much better at the homemaker part, and now my house is mostly presentable. I’ve de cluttered the house multiple times, frequently donating bags and boxes of stuff we just don’t need. We had accumulated so much stuff over the years. Stuff we never used. Every time I throw away, recycle, or donate something I feel lighter. I hope to someday get down to very little stuff and only enrich our lives with experiences. It’s been a process, but one I have thoroughly enjoyed. Decluttering my home helps de clutter my mind. I’ve even de cluttered the yard.
Decluttering my mind is something that has really felt good, and been a huge outlet for me. I’ve read self help books, watched documentaries on manifesting my own destiny, and worked on having a growth mindset. Ready to grow and change and become the best I can be and loving each day to the fullest. As I’ve mentioned before I want to become the best version of myself so my children can become the best version of themselves.
I decided I would challenge myself again. This time 30 days alcohol free. How hard could it be? I can do anything for 30 days right? It’ll be over before I know it. Wow was I wrong. I’ve been sober before for different reasons diet, pregnancies, breast feeding, in support of Jason, but this was just a personal challenge.
This 30 days proved to be more difficult than any other time. What I realized when I wasn’t having a glass of wine at night was that I wasn’t able to numb my feelings, I wasn’t able to escape my emotions. I guess I should also mention I quit using social media at the same time which was also a favorite mind numbing escape for me.
There were many nights I wanted just one glass of wine to relax. and to ease into the evening. Just one drink at family dinner, a beer while out with friends. But each time I said no, and each time I stuck to my word. I have officially made it 29 days without a drop of alcohol. For some this may be no big deal, but for me it was hard, and I’m proud of myself for doing it. I don’t think of myself as an alcoholic. When I am drinking I don’t drink daily, and don’t drink to get drunk, but I do enjoy a glass or two of wine. I’m thankful I stuck to it over this month. I was able to grieve more and feel more than I realized I would. It was hard, I cried a lot, but I did it. I enjoyed this time of self discovery. Who knows maybe I’ll try it again sometime, or maybe I’ll challenge myself in some other way.
How would you challenge yourself? How have you challenged yourself? What ways should I challenge myself?
What would your 30 day challenge be?
Dance every day.
Exercise every day.
Eat a healthy diet?
Cook every meal at home?
Throw away something you no longer need everyday?
Do a random act of kindness everyday?
There are so many ways we can challenge ourselves and learn about ourselves. It doesn’t have to be for 30 days that just seemed like a good number to me. Tell me how would you challenge yourself? How have you challenged yourself?