Stigma

According to Mariam Webster the definition of stigma is the mark of shame or discredit. When trying to decide who, when, why, and where I would share my story stigma is the word that always found its way into my thoughts. If I share my story with those around me will it give me aContinue reading “Stigma”

Wishlist

Today is my daughters 10th Birthday! How is that even possible. How did I do it, how did we do it, I can’t believe I’ve been a mother for an entire decade! Every time a milestone has occurred since Jason passed I’ve thought about what it would be like if he were here. What wouldContinue reading “Wishlist”

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 was never a term I had heard, outside of a book, until I became a widow. So much new terminology to learn. So from what I’ve gathered chapter 2 means the second person that’s meant for you. Is it possibly to have a second partner after a loss? Is it possible to formContinue reading “Chapter 2”

Solo Parent

Solo parent is a term I had never heard of until I became one. It’s much different than a single parent. I’ve never been a single parent so I don’t truly know the struggles of a single parent. I can imagine what I think it would be like, but that’s as good as it canContinue reading “Solo Parent”

The Day I Will Never Forget

On August 3rd, 2019, my 36th birthday, I woke up to the worst morning imaginable. I was on the sofa. I was woken up by my four year old asking me to help him wipe his butt. Really, on my birthday!?! Isn’t that your dad’s job, on my birthday? Isn’t this the one day IContinue reading “The Day I Will Never Forget”

What Could You Do For Thirty Days?

Well I haven’t been shy about letting you know alcohol has been a great coping mechanism, and escape for me the past 14 months. In fact it got to where it was way too easy of a crutch. Of course like a lot of people covid made drinking even more enjoyable, and more “necessary” toContinue reading “What Could You Do For Thirty Days?”

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

A quote by Chuck Palahniuk, from Fight Club I just heard the other day, and it hit super close to home. So what have I done with my life now that the life I knew is over. The slate was theoretically wiped clean, and I get to rebrand myself. I get to become whoever IContinue reading ““It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.””

I’ll Eat Ant Poison

“I’ll eat ant poison so I can go be with Daddy.” “Oh no, you can’t do that, because then you won’t be with me or your sister or any of your other family or friends” “I would still be able to see you and get in the van. I just wouldn’t be able to buckleContinue reading “I’ll Eat Ant Poison”

Did you ever find out what happened?

Don’t you just love the questions that come after your spouse passes away at the young age of 40? So have you found out what happened, was he sick, have you heard back from the autopsy, do you think it was his heart? Some people I believe genuinely cared, because they care about me. OthersContinue reading “Did you ever find out what happened?”